When I was young, I was always weird and a little off. I guess you could say I still am. I studied hard, wasn’t allowed to watch MTV and didn’t date until the very end of high school. I made very questionable and adventurous fashion choices, and I experimented with all of the wrong makeup. I was trying on who I wanted to be several times over.*
In high school, during those moments when I felt most different, I wished I was peaking like many of those around me… but because I didn’t, I focused on my studies (present life me says: thank goodness!!!). Now, in retrospect, I’m afraid of peaking because it’s all downhill from there. I never want to peak! When I do, I’m afraid my youth will fade, and with it, any beauty: I base a lot of value and self worth on beauty, so that thought is particularly horrifying.
But is it all actually downhill?
Every year of my life seems to be a bit richer. At least up until now, getting older, having more freedom and becoming exactly who I’d like to be has been an incredible journey. As long as you’re always growing and living your fullest life, do you ever really peak?
I’ve gotten some consolation through blogging (as well as many hours spent scouring gorgeous websites, blogs and Pinterest); I’ve seen and learned that beauty doesn’t have to correspond with youth. It’s in the most unlikely of places, in a cat’s eyes, a vase of flowers, a jar of pencils on your desk. More and more, I appreciate moments in life — those are what are most beautiful. Youth has a very specific kind of beauty, but it’s not the only one. That’s a very reassuring life lesson to learn.
However, I will maintain that I will not always be able to wear a dress like this. So, I did it. No regrets and a big slice of femme.
Cheers to never peaking, to always growing and living a rich life.
*It took a while to see what fit.
Dress: AQ/AQ (per the Lamb’s excellent recommendation) / Shoes: Nine West / Lips: NARS velvet matte pencil in Dragon Girl
Photos by the talented Lydia Hudgens